10 Things to do While Home for Thanksgiving

  1. Listen to your super conservative aunt go on for half an hour about how demonic sex before marriage is… While sexting your boy/girlfriend back in Kingston.
  2. Eat so much turkey that you throw up because the only thing you’ve eaten in the last 2 months is Ban Righ burgers, and real food tastes like the best sex you’ve ever had in your mouth. Then go back for seconds.
  3. Eat half of an apple and/or pumpkin pie by yourself; fuck freshman 15 – you’re an overachiever, and you demand at least 20.
  4. Break up with your high school boy/girl friend. Turkey Dump that motherfucker.
  5. Tell yourself and your family at least once an hour that you have a lot of homework and catching up to do but never actually do any fucking work.
  6. Tell all of your family members that you’ve been working really hard and rarely ever drink like all of “THOSE” kids, all whilst trying to sneak out to chug beers with your cousin out back.
  7. Realize how much you hate wine and plan not to have any but then convince yourself it’s not that bad because your aunt is now talking about “The Gay” and you really need a fucking drink.
  8. Get a younger sibling drunk on wine without the parents finding out.
  9. Masturbate in your old bedroom, good memories eh?? #Nostalgia
  10. Your parents ran over your cat with the minivan and waited until thanksgiving dinner to tell you… Have another glass of wine…