25 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Kimberly Woodhouse

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25 things You Probably Didn’t know about Kimberly Woodhouse: The Results of her Seemingly Mundane Background Check May Shock You
In a mundane background check conducted at the third floor offices of Beamish Munro Hall it was discovered that:

  1. She was actually tam frosh at the Sci’ 18 grease pole climb
  2. Dean Woodhouse is enrolled at the School of Business as a fourth year Commerce student
  3. In a reveal of her long form birth certificate, it was found that her middle name is actually Hussein Jabar
  4. Dean Woodhouse was born at Western
  5. She never sleeps, she simply suspends time.
  6. Dean Woodhouse contains 10% GMO soybean oil and has an unknown expiration date
  7. Kimberly Woodhouse built the ILC in three days, and will purportedly destroy it in three days when the time comes (Kim 2:19)
  8. Dean Woodhouse can bungee jump without a rope
  9. She has won 10 Iron Man competitions
  10. She is a full-time staffer at Golden Words
  11. She gives professional handshaking lessons to Donald Trump
  12. Her GPA is literally made of Golden Armour
  13. She’s actually a nice person when you get to know her, someone has to keep things in check around here so she has an intimidating demeanour
  14. Now contains 25% less sodium
  15. She can save you more than 15 percent on car insurance. Fuck Geico
  16. Aphra Rogers is really Dean Woodhouse in an afro wig
  17. She was once caught in a love triangle with Brian Frank and Aphra Rodgers. She won the hearts of both
  18. She has four stomachs to further digest frosh protein for her massive gains
  19. Has a wicked Tinder profile
  20. She singlehandedly beat Golden Words staff at a keg race
  21. She has three pet hyenas
  22. Dean Woodhouse wins ThunderGodz every year
  23. Her calves didn’t hurt after frosh week
  24. She is Chief FREC
  25. She has never uttered a curse word in her entire life

Golden Words Staff

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