2nd Year’s Bong Almost as Filthy as His Room

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A Johnson Street resident has not changed his bongwater since moving out of res in April, leaving onlookers to speculate how long it will take before his bong becomes a filthy as his room.

Todd Wilhelm (Sci ’22), has done basically nothing since finishing his spring exams, content to just “bum around” Kingston for four full months. The public first noticed Wilhelm for his filth after raccoons began congregating by his door. Upon seeing the state of his bedroom, the raccoons promptly left the premises, refusing even to indulge Wilhelm in “some quick exit-bowls”.

Since leaving res, Wilhelm has been taking full advantage of his newfound freedom. “Back in Watts, they had strict rules about cleanliness in the dorms. But now that I’m living alone, there’s no more rules about changing bongwater,” Said Wilhelm. Wilhelm is allegedly not living alone, according to one anonymous source and Wilhelm’s five other roommates.

Caked in resin and incredibly murky, Wilhelm’s room has been mistaken for a bong many times. While his room is not shaped like a bong (and much larger than a bong), Wilhelm doesn’t blame people for the confusion. He has gotten used to occasionally reminding passerby’s not to take a “hit” off his room, and there is no choke. Wilhelm claims he does not see the resemblance, however.

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