4th Year Students Quietly Panic About Inevitable Introduction into the Real World™


Frosh Week has just ended across Queen’s University campus, and the realization is slowly setting in on the residing students. No more “suns out, guns out”, no more “your pussy is wetter than the humidity”, no more drinking lukewarm Twisted Teas until you blackout in the bathroom at Ale. It’s time for the students to face the music and their decisions. Students are slowly coming to the realization that the fun, flirty, under thirty time of their lives is dead. RIP in peace #tbt at the Underground, you’re a mother fucking adult now and you have shitty responsibilities you need to deal with.

You don’t have time to watch 10,000 hours of Naruto Shippuden anymore kids, you have to put that time to good use, like being in meetings and learning to tie your tie without the help of your mom. Naruto has like 700 episodes so forget about committing to being anime trash. You are an adult now dipshit.

You can’t day drink as an adult. You can day drink as a student and people will look at you and think “that guy kind of fucks” and “that guy is super sick I bet he doesn’t get hungover” but like if you hang out as an adult and you drink at work during the day people are like “hey I think you have a drinking problem” and “I think you’re ruining your life” and “god dammit Daryl I can’t take this anymore I’m going to live with my mother for a few weeks”.

You can’t reside in the grey area of statutory rape anymore. If you’re in university and you sleep with a frosh, it’s like “haha omg that is so embarrassing you’re 17 I can’t go to jail for this right?” and like you laugh and never talk to that frosh until you hear on Facebook that she turned 18 and things are cool and maybe you hang out again. Whatever. But definitely, if you graduated, you just go to jail if you let a 17 year old take a ride on your disco stick. So like, another con of the Real World™, cause being in jail is not a 10/10 experience.