When it comes to buying textbooks, campus is a battlefield. You have to be willing to do some pretty morally questionable things in order to attain them. This includes: stealing textbooks from the library and selling them to ignorant frosh for obscene amounts of money, telling the bookstore you are your friend who punctually pre-ordered it, and most definitely trading sexual favours. After polling a bunch of Queen’s Students, we found out that the average amount of money spent on textbooks is $614.56. Instead of buying these textbooks you should have bought these essential items:
3539 Condoms – The SHRC is the best, you can buy 144 condoms for 25 dollars! Bonus if you actually use all these condoms. I mean… since I only have sex once every 69 days… it’ll take me 669 years (seriously – check the math).
163 Lazy Risers – If you actually buy 163 lazy risers, you should feel bad about yourself. But the point is you COULD.
36 pitchers of tropical sangria from Queens Pub OR 122 grande Pumpkin Spice Lattes (just to let you know this is 46 360 calories) OR 61 Smirnoff Ice’s – Basic bitches better re-evaluate your life; drinks or textbooks?
2 ridiculously overpriced lap dances at the plaza – There’s an economic bubble in the adult dance industry that’s predicted to lead to the sexiest bust in years. Ha.
82% of a Canada Goose Jacket – Just don’t buy the hood and declare that you’re making a statement against the slaughter of coyotes… No one will suspect it’s really because you’re poor as fuck.