A Guide to Ghetto Move In Signs

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With the seasons turning from summer to that-one-with-pumpkin-spice come the joys of frosh week. First among them is the path to move-in day, during which new students from all over Toronto drive through the Ghetto… *ahem*… Student Housing District. As they drive by, they’re greeted by upper years who’ve graciously taken the time off from their substance abuse and degenerative behavior to greet the newcomers with signs welcoming them to their new home.
Here at Golden Words, we strive to keep you up to date with the goings on at Queen’s University, and as such have compiled a comprehensive guide to these sometimes puzzling, but always friendly, slogans:
1.     Moms drink free
A nice sentiment with no subtext whatsoever. Moms, if you see this sign, proceed without caution. Students are a welcoming bunch and just want to include everyone in the fun while also respecting the miracle of childbirth. If you hear the word MILF and aren’t sure what it means, it’s an acronym for Mothers I’d Love to beFriend.
2.     Frosh Orientation Here
 These signs denote areas of official, school-sanctioned orientation. Stop by yourselves to see our well-groomed and well-trained orienteers take you on a journey through Queen’s University’s rich history. Marvel as they take you from the hallowed beer pong tables of Aberdeen Street, to the puke stained basements of Aberdeen Street. Be prepared to pay $10 per site visit, shoot straight liquor up your ass. 
3.     DrugSmart™ Welcums Queuen’s Studentz
If u hadn’t noticed, Queens has, like, a lot of community ties. Our local pharmacy gives a warm and definitely not type-edited welcome to students both new and old. Some speculate that their sign was actually written in Gaelic, in accordance with Queen’s tradition, while others think that that’s probably bullshit. 
4.     We respect your daughters for their intellect, wit and charm
Technically true.
5.     Honk and We Drink
 With the heat of summer and lack of air-conditioning in dorms and houses, dehydration has become something of an epidemic at Queen’s. As such, we’ve banded together as a community to raise awareness for this harrowing issue. Frosh, drink as much as possible; your lives are at stake.
 

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