A Short Story about Spiders


This isn’t so much a story as a testament to how much I hate the creepy crawly little buggers. Even now, just thinking about them, I feel a little nauseous. nothing should be allowed to have more than four legs, six are okay sometimes, but mostly not.
           This arachnophobia is something I’ve been plagued with since the first monstrous arachnid climbed up my arm at the young age of two. Ever since they’ve sent me running in fear. But know I think I’ve mastered a few good ways as killing the stupid 8-legged monsters.
           First, grab some Raid and spray the shit out of it. Let it die, it will suffer and that sucks, but the world is better off without it. Then, to avoid getting anywhere near the carcass, vacuum the bastard, then vacuum some other shit just in case it isn’t dead or becomes some god forsaken zombified spider and tries to crawl back out for revenge (dear god, can you imagine a spider zombie apocalypse?). Then double tap and spray some more Raid in the vacuum, you do not want to risk that thing getting out.
           If for some odd reason you don’t have easy access to a vacuum or are battling a specifically terrifying spider, you can always trap the beast in an old blanket or towel and burn the fucker.
           Any way, good luck with your spider murder. And remember, you are doing good ridding the world of these horrid beasts.