-Parliament Hill, Ottawa-
This past weekend has seen the Queen’s Model Parliament make their annual trip to the House of Commons in Ottawa in order to have their 69th session. QMP members arrived only to find that actual MPs were already in their seats. As QMP members shuffled in to fill their seats and begin the conference the club’s members became increasingly uncomfortable as their elected counterparts remained seated, as seemingly immovable as the burnt macaroni on your stovetop.
The day started off with the standard parliamentary procedures before discussion of the first few bills became surprisingly heated. The first bill brought up was well received by all present as an agreeable plan to help save Syrian refugees Stephane Dion stood up to object the entire proposal. He turned to the student sitting beside him saying, “Sometimes you’ve gotta have to throw your weight around, just so everyone knows you have a voice too, make sure you’re heard.”
Thomas Mulcair gave a 5 hour filibuster on how his weekend went, describing in full detail everything from his breakfast to his stool consistency. This left political analysts scrambling to analyze the filibuster for purpose before eventually concluding he is probably just a very lonely guy.
Student participation bolstered the size of Elizabeth May’s caucus the most. Towards the end of the day she asked her party members to stay behind as everyone else left so she could sit on the speaker’s chair and pretend to actually run something.
Mark Gerrestsen, still butthurt from losing his mayorship of Kingston to Bryan Paterson last year, left the words ‘Not Good’ echoing through halls of the building when an aide told him about the students on the premises. He was reportedly seen downing a bottle of 40 before joining the session and yelling about garbage bag limits and snow clearance before being escorted out.
Trudeau dropped in on the second day followed closely by his coiffure to give a speech on the importance of good looks, public image, snappy replies, and nepotism in politics. His speech was well received by all except for Calgary Heritage representative Stephen Harper, who was heard muttering under his breath
After spending the previous night ‘consulting’ with members of the Green Party over a bowl of Satan’s Salad the former Prime Minister purportedly laxed his opinions on cannabis criminalization, jumping over to join their party that day.
Despite the fact this event was intended to teach students about the political process, a loophole meant that 3 bills were actually passed, and a student getting Trudeau’s autograph on another meant that a 4th was passed into law this past weekend. This has been the most efficient weekend in the history of the country’s government.
-Parliament Hill, Ottawa-