Advice from a Broken Home

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Hi Broken Home,

My relationship with Golden Words is putting stress on my other less important relationships such my girlfriend. How do I go about showing her she is less important to me than a dying medium?

Lost in the pages

Peggy Sue: As much as I love that you love Golden Words, you should drop everything, stop acting like you’re an equal partner in the relationship, and subserviently do everything your girlfriend/wife tells you. She knows best and you’re a stupid man: that’s feminism right?

Lin Yang Woo: From my limited experience with relationships, I have learned that the best relationships are those where you are not actually in a relationship. Therefore, I would pursue your relationship with Golden Words as much as possible. Golden Words doesn’t hit you when you come home late from your LAN party, or punch you when you overcook the fried rice. Marry Golden Words, if you want to be happy.


Hey broken home,

Instead of wanting to have sex, my boyfriend furiously masterbates to old copies of golden words. Instead of communicating with me, he tells me I just can’t understand his love of “a dying medium”.  Since you obviously have experience with spineless tools can you give me some advice?

Sincerely,

He is rich


Lin Yang Woo: I can’t really help you with the communication part, as me and my wife speak different languages. I learned how to read and write through reading Golden Words (I don’t know what the journal is, but fuck the Journal, amiright?). Your boyfriend clearly has a love for Golden Words. Reminds me of my love for disappointing my parents and my 2001 Honda Civic. The best thing to do would be to allocate all that sexual frustration into something worthwhile. Maybe you can use the time not having sex with your boyfriend to mend my broken relationship. Once we realize my relationship is irreparable, just withhold his favourite Taylor Swift album until he makes tender love to you.

Peggy Sue: Hi He is Rich, I’m very uncomfortable with your boyfriend’s masturbatory habits. But if I had to give you advice, you should let your boyfriend go right ahead and do that because he’s rich, and life’s easier when you get huge alimony checks.

Also, I hate the man I’m married to.


Hey broken home,

Who the fuck qualified you guys to give advice in an advice column? One of you is racist, the other one of you is a racist caricature, and you literally advertise the fact that you’re from a broken home.

Lin Yang Woo: …(no comment from Lin Yang Woo. He ran away with tears going down this eye’s yelling “fuck this quack you’re a hack”)

Peggy Sue: Well I’ve been the recurring writer of an advice column for a major newspaper for a period of time now.

Also, I hate the man I’m married to.

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