An Ode to the Idiots That Block my View of the Mirror at the Gym


If I could run across the beach
Into my own arms,
I would.
My view of myself is the most important thing in this room right now
So can you move two inches to the left?
You have no social awareness that you’re blocking my vision
You’re really ruining this for me:

I move to the right
But then you move to the right,
I sigh dramatically.
I’m trying to check out my form while doing squats,
(Which is just a sneaky tactic to see if my butt looks hot)
You’re standing there lifting
Blocking my line of vision,
I’d deport you to the United States if it were my decision.

I wish you would step off and leave me alone,
So I
can takes selfies on my phone
Because if I don’t take a picture did I really work out?
Trying to make a book like Kim K–
I want to see me seeing me,
Like Donald Trump’s hair I’m surely unique
Because I love me like Kanye loves Kanye
And how am I supposed to keep up my narcissism without a full mirror view??

Moral of the story is you make me want to physically assault you so please get out of my way you’re ruining my life.