Ape Legislators Think The Idea Humans Evolved From Them is Shameful


As the debate rages on within the ape community as to whether or not evolution should be taught in schools, Ape congressmen continue to speak out in the Ape Senate against what Rep. Aperaham Lincoln (R-Congo) has called “an absolutely unproven and blasphemous notion that Humans could have evolved from the great ape race.” 
Though the merits of Evolution have long been presented as fact by the Ape scientific community, there is backlash against its use in schools by members of the so called “Religious-Ape-Right.” “This is a heinous teaching that goes against everything Jesus Chimp spoke of,” said well-known pastor Bonobo Jones. 
“Humans are a disgusting, inferior people who, given the chance, would kill all life on the planet simply to sustain a comfortable lifestyle for themselves. Does a hair-less monster like that bear any resemblance to any of these noble apes seated before you today? I think not!” Jones added. Despite this opposition, a large majority of the ape population still supports evolution and its use in schools. “Look, humans are slobs and do not possess anything close to the intelligence levels of apes, we understand that,” said concerned parent Mary-Beth Gibbon. “That being said, it is proven that this is the process of natural selection, despite the fact that when left to their own devices, humans can and will eat an entire pizza in one sitting.” 
At press time, a family of four humans was checking out the Gorilla pen at the zoo while eating funnel cakes.