Area Frosh is Doing Totally Fine, Mom


Sources confirmed Monday that Robert MacDonell, ArtSci ‘18, is in great health and is adjusting well to university life, mom.
MacDonell is reportedly eating enough and handling his course load just fine. He really likes English but isn’t sure how much he likes Economics. Additionally, MacDonell isn’t too cold and he does wear his coat at night. And the hat he got for Christmas from Nonna. Yes, really.
Giving his love to Dad, Stacy, Checkers, Papa, and Nonna, MacDonell explained in an interview that in the past weeks he has made friends on his residence floor, and that they’re all good kids who don’t drink, smoke pot, or cuss. MacDonell restated his earlier promise that if anything went wrong, or if he felt he needed to be taken out for ice cream, he would inform the appropriate authorities at his earliest opportunity.
At press time MacDonell did not have a girlfriend, okay, so stop asking.