In these dark times of mass abduction and serial orphan production, there remained a light at the end of the tunnel for the Rodriguez family. Unlike other immigrant parents that were being plucked from the grasp of their children and haphazardly deported out of the United States, the Rodriguez were overjoyed to at last escape the aura of inadequacy radiating from their only child, Pablo.
“We thought we were free,” exhausted local mother, Maria Rodriguez, “We warned him – we said: Pablo. If you do not help your father with the yard work – so help me God – we will march down to the authorities and get ourselves deported! It wasn’t until he deliberately began cheering for Germany last football match that we knew it was time. But now, this whole “keeping families together” nonsense? We can’t catch a break!”
Father, Emmanuel Rodriguez, seemed the more devastated of the two. “I prayed to God everyday in hope that he would favour me as he did Abraham. With Trump’s administration blindly adhering to their contrived religious obligations in which they diabolically illustrated how their supposed God would alledgly want to see the world, we were presented with the possibility of this blessed liberation away from our feeble-minded son. But suddenly, their morals kick in and Pablo is here to stay? Blasphemy!”
Going to extreme lengths to avoid contact with their son, the Rodriguez couple decided to flee back to Mexico regardless, leaving Pablo behind. They later issued complaints indicating that “it still didn’t quite feel far enough away,” as they attempted to delve even further south, and into Central America.
Sources report that Pablo has yet to even notice any changes to his environment, as he sits alone in his Texan home surrounded by a pile of his own used, crusty socks.