Bad Proverbs are Bad

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Here are some of the worst proverbs:

 

There’s no ‘i’ in ‘team’: While this elementary spelling rule is true, is it really necessary? I can imagine several common spelling mistakes young children might make when trying to spell team such as ‘teem’ and ‘teme’, but why would there be an ‘i’? Where would it go? Its not even like it could be a typo, because the ‘i’ key is not close to any other keys that you would need to type ‘team’. What’s worse is this proverb is just straight up incorrect when translated into french: Il n’y a pas un ‘i’ dans ‘equipe’.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones: Greenhouses are the only houses that I’ve ever seen that are made of glass. Does anyone actually live in a greenhouse? I’m doubtful that anyone does, but if they do, they’re probably a gardener. As a gardener, stones can get in the way of their plants’ roots and therefore a succesful garden should actually remove these stones and throw them away.

A picture is worth a thousand words: I just created a blank text file contain only the word ‘word’. It was 4 bytes. I also took a picture on my phone. It was 1.50 MB or 1,573,964 bytes. This picture is worth 393,491 bytes. A better saying would be: a picture is worth a million words.

Two heads are better than one: Polycephaly is a medical disorder where an organism has multiple heads. Bicephaly is the particular case of having one head. While very few people are born with bicephaly, almost all of them die. It is more common to see two-headed snakes and turtles, but most of the times, one of the heads will brutally murder, kill and eat the other head. Two heads leads to autocannibalism, or at the very least, death. One head leads to a healthy happy life.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence: This one is only true half of the time. Go find the nearest fence. Is the grass greener on your side or the other? If its greener on the other side, go to that side and suddenly it will be greener on your side of the fence. Was it really that hard to hop over the fence?

Every cloud has a silver lining: Do not try to mine the clouds. There is actually a minute amount of silver iodide in many clouds due to pollution. However, the amount of silver in clouds is significantly lower than the amount of silver in ore.

Give a man fish, he eats for a day; teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime: A group of well-meaning westerners used this idea to try to reduce poverty in Africa. These people travelled to the Sahara Desert with hundreds of fishing rods and bait. The taught the locals to fish; unfortunately the project was largely unsuccessful as there were no lakes for the locals to fish on. The westerners were still quite pleased with themselves and enjoyed their trip to what they considered one of the most exotic parts of the world.

There’s no such thing as bad publicity: Ask Melody Torcolacci how she feels about this saying.

Hindsight is 20/20: My eyesight has actually been quite bad in the past. If I think back to memories of when I was younger and didn’t have glasses, the memories are slightly blurry. 20/20? I think not!

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach: I hope the person who wrote this saying was not a surgeon. Attempting to access a patient’s heart through his stomach would be difficult, completely unnecessary and likely very harmful to the patient. Stomach acid could cause serious damage to heart tissue, and the surgery recovery would be much worse given that both the heart and the stomach would need to heal. Also why would heart surgery be different for men and women?

You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar: I have yet to find a good way to catch a large number of fruit flies, but I can assure you that honey and vinegar both don’t work well. My house is completely infested! Can anyone help me? This has been going on for months and nothing works.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away: This statement is more or less true, but you have to eat organic, gluten-free, whole-wheat, pesticide-free, fair-trade apples. And they can’t be crabapples either. Any other apples are full of toxic chemicals which will certainly send you immediately to the ER.

Curiosity killed the cat: There are and have never been any cats on Mars. Had there been a cat and curiosity had found it, the cat would already be dead from lack of oxygen, lack of food, or high doses of radiation. It would be a pretty cool find though.

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