Bars to Get That Are Totally Real


It’s Week 12! WOOOO Hell Yeah! We did it! Time to get drunk as fuck this weekend, and if you haven’t heard froshies there’s these things called bars and you put them on your GPA which you will not be able to bring home with you on jacket pick up day, because face it you’re gonna drop out after you can’t pass 112 and become Arts’21. Anyways here’s some dope ass bars you need to get to put on your GPA (that you hypothetically will get).

Kingston Living: Build a snow fort and live in it for a weekend.

PayDay: Host a bomb-ass kegger and use the revenue from the party to pay for the keg and the Rent and Utilities for a month.

eXXXpelled: Get kicked out of a room after getting discovered while attempting XXX.

IV Drip: Get the nurse in your frosh group to hook you up to an IV Drip with a mickey of liquor of your choice. You only get the bar if you don’t die.

Woolf of Wall Street: Break into Principal Woolf’s office and rail a line of coke of his desk. Bonus points if he joins in.

DUMBASS: Go to KGH and get your stomach pumped after getting alcohol poisoning.

Richual: Be a 1%’er and buy a round of drinks for everyone at ritual. In order to get this bar you must bring your (parents) tax returns to be verified by a member of the Clark Staff

The Sweaty Italian and Carlos Spicyweiner

***Golden Words does not advocate attempting any of these bars because they are fake you dumbass but if you do end up deciding to do really stupid shit we ain’t responsible for you.***