BREAKING: FRECs Banned from Frosh Week

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FRECs, who usually meet their Frosh at Beamish-Munroe Hall (aka the ILC), and accompany them from their for the rest of the week, were relieve of their duties early Wednesday Morning, according to a FEAS spokesperson:

“Due to the fact that Sci’20 fucked up and lost frosh week for next year’s FRECs, it has been decided that the FRECs of Sci’20 are not competent enough to carry out their duties as assigned. Therefore, it has been decided that we should put the “Faculty” back into faculty frosh!”

The proposal states that FEAS “wishes to keep the events as similar as possible to what has been expected based on the Primer. However, various professors have volunteered to run the different events, as follows:

OTIS: Professor Emeritus Art McDonald

Art McDonald will be in charge of keeping frosh well-fed and watered. He has procured enough timbits to satiate their hungry cries while simultaneously explaining the fascinating science of Neutrinos.

APSC Challenge: Dr. Neil Hoult

It’s time to put the “Challenge” back into this event! Dr. Hoult will be giving an early introduction to his new APSC-182 course by having frosh get into groups and attempt to create a structurally integral beam based on observing the construction at the PEC. Each team member will then be required to walk out across the beam. All who survive are worthy of proceeding to the winter semester.

Thundermugz: Dr. Hanes

Hanes has returned back from retirement solely to do this event! He has proposed that instead of on traditional muddy soil, the frosh runners will be required to don skates and skate the Mugz down the rink. Points will be scored by the number of nursing frosh that can be thrown to the back of the net with Hanes himself in goal. Spectators will be given regulation pucks to hurl at the Mugz, since thundersludge is not permitted in the Memorial center.

Thursday Night Live: Newstead

Newstead Baby will of course take over TNL. He will be in charge of telling jokes, and deciding on the new year verses for Sci ‘21. Voting will have to be done by hand, as clickers look too much like cellphones, and let there be mercy on the soul of the child who dares to bring up their cellphone in his presence. This is expected to be a must-see event.

Pole Event: Dean Deluzio

This year, there will be several changes to the pole event: “We cannot afford the risk of Sci ‘21 being as stupid as Sci ‘20 and losing the real pole again. Instead, each student will be given their own pole to work on. We feel as though this will have the additional benefit of being more inclusive (plus, it’s a great workout!).” Currently, PPS is looking into the feasibility of getting enough ladders for everyone on the Ladder Committee’s poles so they can continue to lead the way, as per tradition.

Sci ‘20 took too long to climb the pole anyways, so instead Dean Deluzio will be climbing the O.G. Pete barefoot and solo. This is expected to be almost as effective as when Dean Woodhouse just stared at the tam in ‘13 and it fell to the ground under her gaze.

EngDay: Dr. Mombourquette

Dr. Mombourquette has been very excited to take over this day, which exposes all of the students to the wonderful opportunities available as a student in engineering. Also, unfortunately Dr. O’Connor was not allowed to return again to speak this year, and so Professor Mombourquette himself will be giving the keynote address. His inspiring stories will inspire even more, it is hoped.

FEAS hopes that the sudden modifications to frosh week will enhance the new students’ experience in orientation, and fully prepare them for the year that is ahead.

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