Calling All Scientists To Make a Change: Admit Neil Armstrong Was our First Alien


History, science, books, knowledge-brainiacs love this stuff. I get it guys, you love pushing the boundaries, getting stuff learned and learning it up! Same, totally, me too. But lately I have been struggling with the idea that some of my science-brain-brothers have been getting things mixed up.

Neil Armstrong along with 11 other people have all been on the moon and everyone’s all like “ooh what step for mankind” but I am not an idiot. Once a Being steps on a terrain outside their planet we all know that that makes them aliens.

All this time everyone has been like “oh my god aliens are so scary” and “stop bringing up aliens Leah” well news flash everyone, aliens are real and they are walking around, paying taxes and starting families. Do I count people who have simply been to space as an alien?

Yes ok I guess I do, that was a harder question than I thought it would be, but like if you’ve only been to space you’re not as good of an alien probably. Anyways back to the aliens. I want to say I am disappointed in a few things-firstly they just look normal and that’s super boring. Then secondly, no one is even trying to battle them. I feel betrayed, and I feel lied to. No I haven’t seen Arrival yet so don’t send me messages about it, I can like aliens on my own without watching every movie get that through your head idiot.

Now if we are talking about aliens from another planet, and you have some thoughts, shoot me a quick email because no one wants to talk aliens with me and I am bursting with ideas about aliens.

Also another thing, know that we know dinosaurs are just big chickens-they aren’t even scary anymore. We have officially found a fossilized dino-feather in amber I am calling every dinosaur movie to burn their records and it’s time to start an entire cinematic revolution. Chickenosaurs. Jurassic Park but instead giant chickens.

Think how funny every dinosaur movie would be. Also I bet they would have been delicious. One dino would have fed so many people too.

And another thing, what if dinosaurs had big ears but everyone forgot because dinosaur ears don’t have bones (look it baby). That would be twice as funny and there isn’t a self- deprecating joke out there that Chris Pratt could so smugly think up to top it.

Oh Chris Pratt. Yep that’s where this is going. Just because you think you can fake-bang Jennifer Lawrence in fake-space does not make you an alien, idiot. Your peak was Parks and Rec and I miss the soft doughy loveable man who was actually bad at stuff, not this fake-bad action movie relatable guy hero stuff, no way. My problem is, I don’t want to relate to someone that has to get fit and start being “successful”, can’t we just have a hero who doesn’t do anything good and watches too much TV and like talks about aliens and chikenosaurs. That’s the kind of hero I need.