Canadians React to Trudeau’s Weed


Universities students have rejoiced and extremist religious groups have been calling it the end of times, but how have other Canadians responded to Prime Minister Trudeau’s plan to legalize marijuana?


“This is the worst!” said a red-eyed KCVI student eating his lunch in the ARC. “My dealer says he won’t deal anymore cause he can’t compete with the stores that’ll be coming, but you have to be 19 to buy from them. Where will I get my weed? Why don’t I have rights? Why is the government discriminating against me? I can vote but I can’t even buy weed? I’m going to have to move to the States where weed is illegal so I can actually buy it.”


“This is the worst!” said a pastor of a small church just outside Kingston. “My congregation is terrified! Marijuana will destroy our society! They will turn to sodomy and before you know it, they’ll not only be burning weed but also burning houses, burning Bibles, and burning churches! Trudeau claims he’ll make Canada into a safe inclusive place for people of all faiths, but now I’m going to have to move to the States just to be safe from crazy weed-smoking hooligans trying to burn do my church”


“This is the worst!” said a spokesperson for Hell’s Angels. “The organized crime industry provides thousands of Canadians with jobs. Justin Trudeau says he’s going create jobs, but everyone in my motorcycle gang is going to lose their job! We’re honest hard-working Canadians! Sure we don’t pay taxes and we promote violence and misogyny, but we work hard and now Trudeau is taking our jobs and giving them to the big marijuana corporations. We’re going to have to move all of our Hell’s Angels to the States where the organized crime industry is actually profitable.”


“This is the worst!” said the Right Honorable Stephen Harper. “We’ve seen how tobacco has affected our society, and marijuana is infinitely worse. Canada’s just not ready for these drugs; it never will be. I’m going to have to move to the States and vote for Trump – the only sensible politician left in this world who knows how to strengthen the economy.”


So there you have it: Canadians are unanimously against weed, but for some reason they love Trudeau. I guess his good looks can make people look even the worst of policies.