CAPS LOCK TOM Comes Back From The Grave

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(Caretaker Bob is tending to his graveyard, scaping the land, and digging new graves. Suddenly, he is startled from behind by a loud sound)
CAPS LOCK TOM: WOOOOOO!
Caretaker Bob: (In a hushed tone) Shhh! People are mourning their loved ones who have since passed away.
CAPS LOCK TOM: I AM A GHOST! I AM BACK FROM THE DEAD. I WAS HIT BY A BUS OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY, BUT NOW I AM BACK. WOOOOOOOOOOO! I AM A GHOST
Caretaker Bob: What do you want?
CAPS LOCK TOM: TO HAUNT YOU! WOOOO!
Caretaker Bob: Can you at least keep your voice down? I can deal with the haunting, but not the noise.
CAPS LOCK TOM: WHAT NOISE? I AM BEING QUIET. I HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS.
Caretaker Bob: OK fine. I give up. Keep shouting in the graveyard. I just want to get this over with. I get paid $12 an hour to cut the grass; not to deal with asshole ghosts like you. What is your unfinished business?
CAPS LOCK TOM: MY TOOOOMB STOOONE!
(Caretaker Bob and CAPS LOCK TOM wander through the cemetery, looking for CAPS LOCK TOM’s tombstone. As they walk, CAPS LOCK TOM is shouting things such as “WOOOO!”, “I AM A GHOST”, and “I AM HAUNTING YOU”. The mourners look sad and unimpressed at this pitiful excuse for a ghost. Finally, they arrive at CAPS LOCK TOM’s grave.)
Caretaker Bob: (Annoyed) OK. Here’s your grave. You have a tombstone. What’s your actual unfinished business?
CAPS LOCK TOM: MY TOOOOOMB STOOONE!
Caretaker Bob: Fuck you. You have a tombstone. There’s nothing wrong with it. Just get back in your grave and stop fucking with me. I don’t have time for this shit. I just want to whipper-snip in peace.
CAPS LOCK TOM: MY TOMBSTONE IS WRONG! LOOK AT THE SPELLING!
Caretaker Bob: It says “Here Lies Caps Lock Tom 1982 – 2013”. Everything is spelt correctly. The only thing that’s wrong is that you’re not laying there anymore. How are you even allowed to do this?
CAPS LOCK TOM: MY NAME IS SPELT WRONG. IT SHOULD BE C-A-P-S-SPACE-L-O-C-K-SPACE-T-O-M.
Caretaker Bob: That is how its spelt. This is ridiculous.
(The two go back and forth like this for several minutes. Suddenly, Caretaker Bob has an epiphany. He goes inside finds a large block of granite, finds his chisel and begins carving. Four hours later Caretaker Bob emerges with a tombstone that reads: “HERE LIES CAPS LOCK TOM: 1982 – 2013”. He brings it to CAPS LOCK TOM’s grave and switches out the tombstones.)
CAPS LOCK TOM: THANK YOOOOOU!
(CAPS LOCK TOMS disappears, his business finally finished, to rest in peace. Forever.)
Caretaker Bob: (exhausted but relieved) He’s gone. Finally done with that asshole.
 

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