City of Kingston Announces Plans to Reopen ‘The Pier’ Right After You Fucking Graduate

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In what has felt like a century, the City of Kingston has finally announced the reopening of The Pier as soon as you graduate and move out of the township. The city issued a press release last Tuesday to notify the local students and community of their intentions. Local mayor, Bryan Paterson, spoke of the event: “I’m really excited for the unveiling of the newly renovated pier just as soon as you, specifically, finish your degree. I just can’t wait to share this wonderfully improved landmark with the city of Kingston immediately after you leave town. It’ll truly be magical.”

A specific date has not yet been set for the grand reopening, as the City of Kingston is tentatively waiting to ensure that you have all passing grades and a job that requires relocation. Until such time, the algae covered rocks by the monument remain the front-runner for unnoteworthy water entertainment.

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