Class of Sci (20)’35 Already Feeling the Pressure


This past weekend, many insane alumni thought it would be a good idea to bring their small children to the homecoming events. And in our discussions with some of the 1 year olds on campus, it’s become quite apparent how much pressure is on this future crop of Queen’s eng students.
“It’s almost like as soon as I came out of the womb, these people slapped a Queen’s sweater on me” said Darrius MacMillan, who was found stumbling around outside Clark while his parents were at Ritual (he was the most coherent person there). “I got no chance of going anywhere else.”
Similarly opinionated children were also spotted on campus and the ghetto, being left in various places such as behind the keg, on a rooftop and in one of The Sheepdogs’ guitar cases. Johnny Tierney, born last July, was photographed wearing a knitted Sci ‘35 jacket. “I mean, look at this thing. What happens if, when I’m 17, I tell my parents I don’t wanna be an engineer or, worse, not even a Queen’s student. I’d prob have to run away from home before that.”
When questioning their reasoning behind forcing their children early into what can best be described as a cult, some of the alumni got very defensive. Moira Jackass, Sci ‘04, said “Hey, that’s what Queen’s spirit is all about – pressuring everyone you know into going to Queen’s. Cha Gheil!” She vomited immediately afterward.
The university has already been thinking about preparing for Sci ‘35. Prospective courses include GEOE 344: Dynamics of Terraforming, MINE 200: Space Mining, and ENPH 350: Principles of the 5th Dimension. MacMillan further added “at least by the time that school rolls around in 2031, hopefully it will be all online so I don’t have to deal with what I can only imagine will be only more outrageous displays of ‘spirit’.”