Dancing for DUMMIES


This is for all of you out there that didn’t get laid on your number one weekend to get some. Any failure on your part is completely proportional to your lack of dance skills.
Fast Facts: It is scientifically proven that the opposite (or same) sex is 95.6% more likely to bed you if you can swivel those hips with coordination. Dance training is the best way to increase sexual endurance.
History of Dance: Animals fight for mating dominance with displays and battles of the horn. Humans have evolved beyond this petty state and into a more reformed type of engagement, the dance. The dance has evolved in many different regions with different styles. The constant in all places is showing your right to get some by any means necessary. Creativity is rewarded in all cultures and flashy colours are encouraged.
General Tips: The first step is finding the beat.  You must always be in motion as long as there is music. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been going hard for the last hour straight and really need a rest. At the very least you should have your eyebrows going. If you can’t last long on the floor, what says you’ll last long in coitus? Other potential mates that continue the motion will be walking out with your potential beau and/or biddy.
Dancing Do’s and Don’ts: You can be like everyone else and tap your foot, nod your head, sway a little side to side and be disappointed, or you can make your mark. And no, I don’t mean grinding someone from behind and rape dancing them. The approach is the key element. This is where you make your intentions known and this is where eye-contact is key. Add colourful feathers to your look to show you mean business.
Finding Your Move: Creativity is key! The best moves are the moves derived from everyday actions. You’ve seen the shopping cart and the sprinkler but there is so much more available for you. There’s the pouring cereal, the typist, the shaving your… legs. The ‘brushing your teeth’ is to be saved until you really know what you’re doing though.
Okay, Dummies, go dance it up.