In an attempt to limit the amount of engineering students in the faculty, Dean Woodhouse has officially introduced Frost Week 2. “In essence,” the Dean said “It’s like Frost Week, but instead of board shorts and flip flops, you wear nothing but clothespins attached to your nipples…along with your GPA, of course!” Those who are smart enough to realize that Frost Week is idiotic are allowed to live.
The Engineering Society is fully on board with the introduction of Frost Week 2. The reasoning is that many incoming students acquire the necessary grades by paying for them at a private school or sucking off their school principal. With Frost Week 2, those students who slipped through the cracks to acceptance will inevitably die.
This pseudo-social Darwinism spread like wildfire with the Engineering Class of 2018. “I want to be cool! I want to fit in! Just tell me what to think! I’m a god damn sheep!” said one frosh. “Holy shit my nipples are so hard, I can legitimately cut glass. But it’s okay, because I get a patch on my GPA!” said another.
So far, Frost Week has claimed the lives of over fifty degenerate frosh. There is currently a pile of unconscious frosh outside of Tindall Field, characterized by their grey skin, pale demeanor, and clothespins attached to the areola. The group is growing by the hour.
Those who assume that those responsible for the the innovation and technological advancement of our generation would not risk their health for a jacket bar are mistaken. “If engineers were so smart, you would think they’d realize that it’s winter and not fucking 30 degrees Celsius outside. But hey, at least they know Matlab,” stated Joseph Bruch.
The high degree of success of this new week has begun to stir up talks of alternate methods of ‘weeding out’ the first year class. Currently they are planning Frost Week 3, which is revealed to involve taping live hyenas to your testicles and wrapping your GPA around your feet.