Donair Wars Ep. I: The Donair Menace


I awaken. Looking out into the surroundings of my bedroom I see only darkness. Far off I hear the wings of birds, rain, and the ambulances on Brock Street ring out and fall into silence. I sit up, clutching my head to clear it. My throats and lips are dry but my body is soaked. I check to see if it’s piss again. It isn’t. Whew. Not the nightmares again. I pull my feet over the side of my bed and feel the cold. I move to my window and pull the drapes aside. There he is. I can’t turn my gaze from what I see before me. My eyes are trapped. It’s like the twin suns of Tatooine, you don’t want to look and it’s bad to look but you have to anyway. His steel blue eyes seem more like fire as they pierce my soul and sent shivers down me. The Mr. Donair mural looks at the donair with a laviciousness that I cannot come to terms with. His grasp of the meaty delicacy is firm. A little too firm. As soon as I imagine his grip on my throat I have to look away. A lone tear falls from the corner of my eye. It’s nothing, go back to bed Dee.The dreams will go away soon. I go back to my bed, and dreamless sleep takes hold of me.
The next day I go down to the pier, and as I walk my breath fogs in front of me. He’ll go away, eventually. I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m destined to eventually meet him. Eventually I reach King Street and as I cross it, I look to the horizon. The white expanse of frozen lake reaches far and farther until Wolf Island with its windmills and what I assume to be 3 residents. Deep in thought I am caught off guard by someone approaching behind me. With his large stature, broad shoulders, and long flaily arms I know it is only one person. “What brings you here, Donair Donair Binks?” “I just came to watch the race, that’s all. Even with my ears literally made of donairs and all I still know just how important this.” “That’s why I’m going to win it”. And with no urge to describe anything related to podracing because it sucks, I did. It was both a descriptive AND exciting victory.
We had won the price to repair the parts to our space ship, but I knew that our journey wasn’t yet over. As I walked toward the ship, I saw a speeder approach from the distance. I began to sense a large power in the Donair force. It had to be him, there was no way it wasn’t. Donair Maul, the lord of the dark side of the meat attacked me. His tricolour face  with not one donairsabre, but with two ends of greasy drunk food. As sauce and veggies flew through our all out sabre battle, I was only barely able to get to my ship and fly off, but I knew that there would be more to do and more to say to bring balance to donair and save the galaxy.