Don’t Join a Club


Frosh, as you may know, there are over 200 clubs on campus that you can join. “Can” being the key word here, not “should” because I’m about to tell you why joining a club is a terrible idea.
There are essentially three reasons why people say you should be in a club:

  1. Its a great way to make new, like-minded friends
  2. They make you a well-rounded students
  3. They’re fun

These are all untrue. When was the last time you were put in a room with strangers and then eventually became friends? What’s that? That’s exactly what happened in Res, Camp and Sunday School? Well fuck you, you outgoing bastard. The people there were a motley crew of backgrounds and interests – which works out because opposites attract. Hey, if it works for magnets, it must work for interpersonal relationships. Suck it ICP, I DO know how magnets work.
When you’re put in with a group of people who like the same things as you – such as musical theatre, student government, or bagpipes – you won’t get along at all, because of the magnets thing. Seriously, if you disagree with the laws of magnetism, then you got a problem with the fucking earth, because Earth’s magnetic field deflects solar radiation and without it we would be dead. Dead and not talking about why you shouldn’t join any of the shitty clubs at Queen’s.
Here are some of those clubs:

  • Queen’s Backing Action Against Climate Change (QBACC): The first of many Queen’s clubs that awkwardly have to shove a Q into the beginning of their abbreviation, which fucks everything up linguistically. Plus, fuck these guys, all righteous in their plan to save the Earth. Trust me people, the Earth is just fine. Humans and all other life on it? That’s another story, but the Earth is goddamn indestructible. It has a goddamn magnetic field, like a superhero. Magnets!
  • Queen’s Bands: You wanna be in a band? Go find some guys and guitar, bass and drums and start rocking the fuck out. Fuck bagpipes! You wanna be a cheerleader? Go to a stereotypical TV high school, where apparently everyone is either a cheerleader or a freak/geek.
  • The Queen’s Film Production Club: These pretentious assholes totally rejected my porn film project. The nerve! Well this artiste didn’t quit! I filmed that porno myself and now it has like 100,000 hits on XHampster. Suck it, QFPC!
  • Right to Play: oh, here we go. A bunch of people who are trying to pressure thousands of kids around the world to not work and have fun. Who is going to take their places at their jobs? Me? Fuck that, I don’t know how to make shoes. These kids can have fun the way I did when I was a child – never.
  • Golden Words: Seriously, fuck off. You’ll eat all our pizza.