Dressgate: Local Philosopher Says Colours Are Only In Your Mind


I never get why the internet fascinates itself over the true colour of a dress — what a stupid debate! I say it’s stupid not because it’s waste of attention, but that it’s so BORING. This topic was already addressed in the seventeenth century, by a genius philosopher — unlike the moronic public of today — John Locke.

Locke, in his brilliant (and long and repetitive and ambiguous and Shakespearean-like) book An Essay Concerning Human Understanding, already pointed out that sometimes what we see is not true of the object in reality. He calls colour a secondary quality of objects, which is a quality of the object that is not really in the object itself but only in your mind. So what are you all debating for? It doesn’t matter whether the dress is white and gold or blue and black, because whatever goldness/whiteness/blueness/blackness doesn’t exist in the dress itself anyway! The colour of the dress is whatever your see or think it is. End of problem. We all know that everyone has different opinions, and we respect that. If you are still trying to assert your opinion upon other people — RUDE!

This is what the internet phenomenon has been to me: a rude, intolerant, ignorant dispute over an topic so over-talked (duh, we’ve talked about it for four hundred years!). If you ask me what I think the colour of the dress is, I will very reasonably say that it depends. It depends on your eyesight, your brain, the lighting, the camera and etc. If you ask me what the actual colour of the dress is, then I will have to be a Lockean and say I don’t know. Because colour essentially depends on the wavelengths of the dress, which depends on the particles of its material, which depend on the atomic parts of the particles, which depend on the sub-atomic parts of the atoms, which depends on the sub-sub-atomic parts of… [regressus ad infinitum] and ultimately, everything depends on the substance (or, the looming idea of THE DRESS) that supports all our ideas of its colour and that which we know nothing about.

Seriously, just stop debating about your stupid opinions and accept that it is nothing but THE DRESS.

All hail THE DRESS!