Editorial: Best of – Golden Words Editors’ Inbox

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Golden Words Editors email inbox is commonly filled with spam, article submissions, spam, complaints EngSoc services update, media release (spam), advertising inquiries which should really go to the business manager’s, and more fucking spam. The main job of the editor during the summer was to attempt unsuccessfully to unsubscribe from the spam. Over time, I have kind of sort of learned to live with the hourly emails.

The best emails – the only emails I really want to receive – are the article submissions. Usually they attach their writing in a word document and write a little introduction about themself in the email. Their email can go something like this: “Here is a rather shitty piece of writing of mine. So take a look and let me know what you think. If I don’t see my stuff printed nor even a warm, tender, vanilla-flavoured response, I WILL go piss on your doorstep the next PressNite. Cheers, I love you all (especially Hattie, she’s Chinese (redacted for stating the obvious) and she’s hot).”

The majority of the emails, though, is media release. Prior to becoming Golden Words editor, I had no idea that people who desperately want to be famous simply mass-email hundreds of news sources their boring ass story.

Some previous editor apparently subscribed to Local Food News media release, and they email me twice every week! How much news can there be about local food?! Oh wait, they actually email me once a week about world food news, plus once a week about Ontario food. I don’t know about the precise definition of the word “local”, but I don’t consider Ontario to be local, and I certainly don’t consider “world” to be local. And “North Alabama schools announce collaboration with area’s first local food hub” doesn’t feel like it belongs to either world or local.

I’ll have to admit that much of the spam is actually quite personally catered towards me. Somehow the internet knows that Golden Words is run by students, and some of the media release I receive claims to be stories for students.

There were 2 spam emails in the past two weeks about “Students Need To Stop Procrastinating”. The emails state that “The biggest issue standing in the way of college students’ success is procrastination. It can lead to lower grades and unhappiness.” Thanks, spam email! I just procrastinated by reading this piece of junk in my inbox, and now my grades are lowered and I’m unhappy.

The other email sent by the same person said, “A new study reveals some of the biggest barriers and distractions to success in November: some of them will really surprise you and will make a great story: family arguments, sex, ice cream and dating sites are just some of the reasons writers gave for not finishing their novels!” – So if there’s a week where Golden Words was missing a page or two, you know what happened: we were having family arguments, then we had make up sex, ate ice cream, and created Tinder profiles for a hippo.

So far, the most mind-boggling spam emails I’ve read have been a Chinese Picasa album invitation intended for a technical manager in the “advertising player” field. And the email that I’d like to deny any relations to is from a medical instruments company in Pakistan who are “manufacturer and exporter of all kind of metal steel sex toys”. The attached pdf was the most intensive and impressive sex toy catalogue I have ever seen.

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