Editorial by Handsome Squidward

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With 175 years under its belt, Queen’s is nationally recognized for its long-lasting traditions and spirited student body. That’s great and all, but it’s time to bring back the really, really good traditions like the tricolour guillotine, segregation and more.

In their prime, Queen’s traditions were fueled by coke and rampant elitism, creating a tight-knit alienating community that worked in a eugenics-like fashion. Sure, they originated in a different time but who says that outdated attitudes that are inherently racist and/or sexist can’t be applied to today’s more progressive time? It’s all in good fun (Disclaimer, this described fun is only for a select couple, white guys).

The University has become increasingly more corporate and risk-averse and if they had it their way, the incoming class would be sitting in straight jackets with helmets on Tindall field. But we can’t let them win. At the same time, they want straight jacket traditions that will appeal to as broad of a student demographic as possible.

Can you hear me, University? Wanting to keep the Orientation Week safe, accountable and appealing to the broadest student demographic are all stupid ideas. To stop the campus landscape changing, we need to bring back our most obsolete, offensive and even dangerous traditions back into circulation.

Grease Pole needs to become even more exclusive, to effectively keep the Faculty of Engineering isolated from the rest of the school. Commerce Frosh Week is almost unrecognizable after undergoing probation — we need to bring back the tasers. Arts and Science Frosh Week, now only known for simultaneously being manic and underwhelming, needs to bring back its incorporation of dead animal heads into activities.

Most recently, the Homecoming halftime alumni parade — including the student field rush — was cancelled. While there’s one guy from the Journal who argues that there’s no use in continuing as tradition based on enthusiasm for a sports team that students no longer have, I say NAY. We need to continue to celebrate, support and perpetuate traditions blindly. Why? Exactly, keep yourself in the dark. Instead of being frugal with our money and using it to maybe pay faculty staff better, it is our unquestionable duty to waste the money on a parade that no one goes to anyway.

There are many other traditions at this otherwise historic school — and we need to give our school a metaphorical facelift with traditions. The AMS student government, the CFRC radio station and The Journal itself are some of the oldest campus establishments and they are due for a facelift too. Instead of electing AMS executive, they should joust to see who the higher power wants to win the election. The CFRC and Journal should merge to create a clickbait-like site, to create content students would actually care about.

Embrace and foster the traditions that truly make Queen’s special, and let’s make Queen’s great again.

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