Editorial: Thoughts from Stauff (In Parts)


I’m someone who rarely braves the library, preferring my “Home Office” (AKA my bed) to the hard wooden chairs that make my ass go numb. But the other night, seeing as I have a mind numbing amount of papers due, I decided to suck it up and venture into the depths of the third floor. See what all the fuss is about. Here is an account of my experience.


Part One: The Journey There

Okay, this is gonna be awesome, gonna get so much shit done. I’ve got my laptop. Shit, do I have my laptop charger? If I have to go home I’m just going to stay there and have a nap. Or watch T.V. – I gotta know if Luke and Lorelai ever get together! Oh, I’ve got the charger, that’s good, I guess. No, that’s awesome, I’m going to get all of the work done! I’m not going to leave until I’ve finished all of the homework I’ve put off until the last possible minute and now I might have an aneurism from all the stress. Should I stop for food first? I should probably stop for food first. And coffee! Can’t close the library without caffeine: the true university students life force. Okay, I’ll go pick up some liquid productivity and head to Stauff. For real this time.


Part Two: Finding A Seat

Woah, why are there so many people here? Who actually studies at the library. Bed Offices are so much more comfortable, and have multiple uses… 😉 Okay, I’ll start at the bottom and work my way up I guess. Literally every spot is taken by books and no people. I could steal so many laptops right now and not a soul would notice. Then I could sell them and use the money to pay someone to write this paper and I wouldn’t even have to be here right now. Why is that actually so tempting? I think the caffeine and the atmosphere is corrupting me. I suddenly have an urge to write obscenities on the walls.     

Hah, there, someone is leaving! Wait what, why is she climbing on the desk? Who naps on a desk in the library?! Maybe once she falls asleep I can move her to the side a little bit… Or it looks like someone else is moving on the other side. Doesn’t look like anyone else is around, maybe if I run I’ll get it. Oh no, someone is rounding the corner, looks like they are on the prowl too. Maybe they won’t see the spot. Shit no, spotted. Are they walking faster? I think they are walking faster. You’re on. Oh god, running with a backpack on is pathetic. Hah! First! Suck it fellow Library Wanderer!


Part Three: The Actual “Work”

Now what? What did I even come here to do? Something about books. Writing, yes! Writing a paper. About books. I should find books. But then I have to go get said books, and if I leave someone will steal my laptop and trade it for essays. That’s my idea! But if I take my stuff some sneaky bastard will steal my place. I don’t even have my laptop charger.


Fuck this, I’m going home.