Election Season


It’s student election campaign period here at Queen’s, the time when you debate between losing all of your tricolour Cha Gheil profile pics from homecoming when you delete your Facebook account or dealing with a week and a half of wading through post after post about improving your “student experience”, yet never once mentioning adding an LCBO on campus. The week and half where even Commerce student’s buy from the Tea Room for fear drowning in the lake of rector candidates parked inside Goodes and the Arc, who all want to tell us what they’d like to change, although all we’ve learned about the position from the last rector about is that you must post a picture of everything you do and no Facebook status should be less than 3 paragraphs in length. Yes it’s finally that time of year when your informed decision making can’t only be based on who in the hub is having a Bieber themed night.
Though Golden Words can’t support and individual candidate I’m here to break down the key swing groups that could play a major role in this year’s engineering society election.
Apple Math: This discipline in the last 3 years has grown rapidly, to avoid the loss of this key swing demographic, candidates should avoid using the words “specialty” or “area of expertise” as this is a sensitive topic during job interviews for Apples, who’s discipline is rather vague in specific skill sets. Candidates when mentioning Engineering career should always follow this statement with “or engineering consulting career” as to not marginalize these pale humans who may never make a non-theoretical calculation in their lifetime.
Frosh: This demographic includes over 800 students who will follow their pack leaders with ferocious loyalty. It is important to go to these tribes to meet them in their natural home: nomadically wandering the streets of the student district in search of the open door and the heard of upper years who won’t care they brought their entire floor with them. We all remember the legendary treaty of 2015 in with Julie Tseung treated with Mihkail Jcole bringing the entire J tribe to her aid to secure her victory. Very important campaign issues for these students are: finally unlocking the underground tunnels for student use and lowering the prices on Queen’s engineering clothing, so when they go home their friends they can afford to wear 7 articles that say “Queen’s University” daily instead of the 5 they can currently afford.
The ILC computer lab dwellers: the least fortunate of the Queen’s community, this is the group who will meander into the lab area around 5:10, so it didn’t look like they waited 3 hours for frosh to finish making their robots turn around 3 times and flash a light. This portion of our student population unfortunately has nowhere else to go. Surviving off of free food left over from the events held in the atrium and the free half cup of coffee Tea room gives away when it closes, funding for social programs such as Physics cookies and exam treat bags has never been so vital. Clothing drives for the outfits you only bought for homecoming will also be a key platform piece as an increasing number of these lab occupants seem to be wearing blankets as clothing.
Finally the Golden Words Staff: No there’s nothing you can do to please us, but maybe if you give us the money we so willingly deserve from the fee increase we were denied, we might take it easy on you for the next year, but we’re not bitter.