“Still better than sociology”
An assembled crowd of over 200 idiots, assholes and morons gathered on Twitter yesterday to hear (read) Principal Woolf and Dean of the Faculty of Arts and Science, Susan Mumm announce the creation of the Department of Tumblr, within ArtSci. “We are proud to bring this option to students who thought DEVS was too challenging,” said Mumm.
The faculty has been mulling the idea of a social media-based degree plan since 2006, when they nearly went ahead with creating the department of MSN Messenger. However, logistical issues such as a server that was over 10 years old prevented this from coming to fruition. Nonetheless, they doggedly pursued “some sort of opiate for these idiotic masses” for the next 8 years, before arriving at this decision last Wednesday.
Arriving at Tumblr as the basis for this department was not an easy choice, said ASUS President Adam Grotsky. “We scoured the internet, looking for a plan that would best serve the Queen’s population of people that really shouldn’t be in university in the first place. We nearly went with Facebook, but ultimately decided their privacy issues would set a dangerous precedent for our students. 4chan’s /b/ was also in contention, but its shit was too fucked up even for us. And you should see the shit they screen in Film Studies.”
Tumblr was chosen for its “bold stances”, “unrelenting troll culture”, and “admirable efforts at defeating the patriarchy”. Starting in September 2015, second year ArtSci students will be able to enroll in a major, medial, minor, or “fuck this cis bullshit, no faceless administration can tell me what I’m enrolled in!” degree of Tumblr. “We’re really providing these ignoramuses with the skills needed for today’s job market” added Mumm, who stressed the prominence of ‘social media coordinator’ jobs that are flooding the market. “There’s never been a better time to be a university student that spends the majority of their study time on the internet. Just think: in 5 years, you could be managing the Instagram account for a brewpub in Owen Sound!”
Though certainly a pressing issue, investigations on this topic were suddenly halted by this writer’s lack of knowledge or fucks given about how Tumblr works. Hopefully it was funny enough and brightened your day a bit! Just think: there’s less than two weeks of school left, and in under a month, it will be the Holidays. Peace on Earth to All!