FAQs About Australia


Golden Words brings you answers to all those questions that spring to mind as soon as you see an Australian, saving you from the task of trying to decipher slurred accents.
Aren’t there, like, heaps of poisonous spiders and snakes and things?
–       Yes, it’s not uncommon to accidentally walk into a cobweb at least once a day.
If I see a kangaroo, can I pat it?
–       You can try, if you enjoy the sensation of getting your face punched and clawed in the face by native wildlife.
What is the drinking age?
–       Legally, 18. Culturally about 12. I was taken on a pub crawl at the age of 8.
Do Australian’s swear all the time?
–       Fucking oath.
Vegemite. Why?
–       Two reasons, one being it’s fucking delicious and the other is watching non-Australians cringe when they try it.
 Can you buy beer in convenience stores?
–       Sadly no. We feel your pain on that one.
Is it true that koalas are actually drunk all the time?
–       They sure are, but that’s because everything in Australia is either drunk or trying to kill you
Have you ever seen snow?
–       Yes. When we travel to other countries.  And no. We don’t have white Christmas’. We sit on the beach and drink beers instead.
 Does everyone drink Fosters™ , isn’t that your national beer?
–       Fuck no. No one drinks that shit. You can’t even buy it in bottle-o’s. It’s cheap piss we export for the rest of the world so we don’t have to drink it. 
Are there sharks?
–       … Do you know what an ocean is?
Do toilets spin the other way?
If you really take that much notice of a flushing toilet it would probably be beneficial for you to get on a plane and check it out for yourself.