Fear Factor: Meat Pie Edition


My housemate is secretly a gourmet chef. Seriously. I didn’t realize it for a while but after 3 years of witnessing his unique creations I have come to the conclusion that there must be some method to his madness.
Why else would someone place an upside down egg sandwich on the floor and leave it for three days? Or take showers with a bag of grapes? He allows his dishes to marinate in the sink for days to create unique flavours and aromas that only a gourmet chef could appreciate.
One time he even blended three whole onions in our blender rendering it unusable for yummy fruity drinks ever again. Why would someone do all these things if they weren’t creating something wonderful with them?
He reinvented the mashed potato once. He believed that he could revolutionize the entire dish by skipping the cooking part and just mashing them raw- at least this is my theory because why on earth would someone try to mash raw potatoes if they weren’t a genius. Another one of his signature dishes is “rice with peanut butter sauce”. It includes melting peanut butter on rice – simple and pure genius.
But even a gourmet chef needs a break once in a while and this is when our entire house is subjected to front row seats to Fear Factor: Meat Pie Edition. Fear Factor: Meat Pie Edition includes watching the master chef consume upwards of eight 99-cent meat pies in one sitting.
I used to think I had a strong stomach (I am a nurse) but after sitting through my first Fear Factor: Meat Pie Edition, I know that’s untrue. I only have a few more months to learn everything I can from the master chef until I move out on my own and have to deal with washed dishes, the kitchen not smelling like a garbage dump and not having to watch which meal of his I step in… I hope it’s enough time.