Fiber: not even once


Sometimes you have to wonder what goes through the heads of people. For example, the Nissan Cube.
Look at that shit. It’s without a doubt the tackiest vehicle that ever made it to the road. Somewhere, somehow a designer thought that would look cool, then the engineering team thought it would be hilarious (besides, they weren’t gonna get fired for it), then the marketing team genuinely thought it would be a sweet idea, and people responsible (for making sure jokes and/or incompetence don’t go too far in every related department) signed off on this! Not only that, but people paid money for these monstrosities! And not just pocket change, at least 16 thousand dollars! When was your last $16,000 mistake? (#University)
Well, anyways the point is that despite our best (and in other cases, worst) efforts, anomalies, things that make one lose faith in humanity, happen. The Fiber One products are no exception.
Look at that thing. If you saw that lying around, you would totally just pop that in your mouth. It looks so chocolatey and rich and moist. But, in the eternal words of Admiral Ackbar, “It’s a trap!”
Because those delicious looking brownies are Fiber Ones. Have one? Your life won’t change. Have three? Better make good friends with the toilet, because you’re in for a literally shitty ride. If you were, let’s say for examples’ sake, basically Hitler, you might decide it’s a fun idea to unwrap a bunch of Fiber One brownies and put them out on a plate. Don’t be basically Hitler. It’s not worth your soul, or the ensuing brutal wars over who gets to use the washroom and who gets to use the bush behind the neighbour’s house.
And to the marketing team at Fiber One, what the actual fuck?! Why did you think it was a good fucking idea to take a food that, when consumed in large quantities, does more damage to your asshole than working in the porn industry, and then decide to make it really delicious?!
What the fuck happened to Fiber One tasting like rabbit food as an obvious indicator that it would do some serious pipe-work? As well as being something that people would only eat in small quantities due to it’s tasting notes of cardboard and dryness, it was obviously healthy then. Now that it’s mixed with sugar and chocolate, incidental bodily-cleanses is all the rage.
There is no redemption for any of the parties involved in an incident that may or may not have taken place at a small business meeting on October the 2nd, 2014, no, not even you, Charles. You fucked us Charles, you sinister chode-riding clown. And a big fuck you to the people who made Fiber One taste so goddamn good.