Frank Ocean Committee

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You may have heard of the Brute Force Committee, UofT’s rag-tag team of engineering misfits who have pulled off epic pranks such as constructing a literal gravy train at Toronto City Hall, and emailing a whimsical parody of Hotline Bling to every Queen’s engineering student. The latest of their heists was revealed Saturday, when they claimed responsibility for leaking Frank Ocean’s highly anticipated new album, Boys Don’t Cry, onto the internet. 
Frank Ocean has been teasing the album for months, with his promise to release the album in July of 2015 going completely unfulfilled. Someone on the Brute Force Committee must have been quite the fan, as they performed a ‘denial-of-service’ hack to obtain access to the coveted files, and promptly distributed them to popular illegal downloading services such as LimeWire and Napster. To celebrate the victory, they updated their misleading website “mariosbakery.ca” (a front for the real BFC website, this is actually real, unlike most of this article) to include an image of Chef Frank himself putting a nice sugary glaze on a cornucopia of fresh pastries.
While coming under fire recently for other unspecified pranks, it appears the Brute Force Committee has decided to sway public opinion by appealing to the abundant population of Queen’s engineering hipsters. Sources say professors and administration alike have been seeing ‘vibin out’. Dean Woodhouse herself has been spotted, Zune in hand, busting out some envious dance moves. Elsewhere, Physics professor Somi Narayanan has also been observed intermittently dropping lyrical references in his lectures to score points with the kids.
After considerable pressure from the major record labels, the Brute Force Committee released a statement justifying their actions: “With Dr. Dre releasing an album in 2015 and Kanye dropping his next one in February, we were running out of mysteriously non-existent albums to leak to the public. We harbour no ill will towards Mr. Ocean- in fact, we pretty much all got laid for the first time listening to Channel Orange. Hopefully now that we’ve leaked his new album, we can all get laid for the second time. Seriously, nothing other than hearing Frank Ocean sing for the first time has been able to bring us to orgasm for the past 4 years.” Several hours later, UofT spokesperson Althea Blackburn-Evans responded in a post on the university’s website: “Honestly, we’re still bumping Drake’s albums from back when he was still sensitive. We frankly don’t have anything to say here that’s going to be constructive. But straight up, when Drizzy started with his ‘on my worst behaviour’ shit we lost all academic respect for him.” 
 

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