For all the incoming frosh, it’s important to know that Queen’s has a long and historic past full of traditions. However, many different myths of what Queen’s is like have emerged over the years. At Golden Words, we are nice enough to use our wealth of experience to show you exactly what is true, and what isn’t.
1) You don’t have to do any work and can just go out every night
Let’s be real – only nerds and dweebs study at night because they’re nerds and dweebs and therefore don’t fit the criteria to go out with me. I speak from a wealth of experience when I say that you don’t need to do any work or go to any classes ever. You might be thinking that it’s too good to be true. How could I pay $6,000 dollars to not go to any classes? Well, the $6,000 dollars doesn’t actually go to classes; it actually goes to funding Daniel Woolf’s underground squirrel fighting ring. No one actually goes to class and they just pretend that they do by complaining about workloads and Profs.
2) Karate Kid re-enactments happen every Tuesday on Tindall Field
Let’s be clear: we don’t re-enact the bullshit 2010 remake with Jaden Smith. We’re talking 1984 – the greatest year of cinema ever. Ghostbusters, Footloose, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Beverly Hills Cop and Purple Rain; the American rock musical drama film that debuted Prince on the big screen. However, most importantly was Karate Kid – a masterpiece at its time and John Guilbert Avildsen’s magnum opus. We also have to re-enact this version because everyone in Kingston is white. Every Tuesday, thousands of students come to Tindall Field to be enthralled by the actors wax on/wax off, crane, and mime catching flies with chopsticks. This is the most memorable Queen’s experience for about 50% of the Queen’s population.
Myth: Confirmed, Daniel-san
3) Everyone greets each other with eskimo kisses
A situation that everyone is familiar with; you’re walking down Union Street and out in the distance you notice a familiar face. That one girl (Sarah? Carly? I know it’s a generic white girl name) approaches you, on the same side of the street, and on your trajectory. So what do you do? Wave shyly? Pull out your phone and ignore her? A firm pinch of the tush? Incoming frosh think that you have to eskimo kiss, but in actuality, that’s a tradition from Queen’s dark past – now we french kiss passionately.
4) Kingston retailers will accept meal equivalencies instead of money.
This one is true – people are so desperate for the days where they could walk into Lazy and instead of thinking that the food was overpriced, think about all the hangover the grease would soak up. Therefore, all Kingstonians, townie and student alike, are willing to take meal equivalencies for their value of $8.75. With the Canadian dollar dropping, this is no doubt a logical move. So frosh, if you somehow have any meal equivalencies left by the end of the year, know that you can go to Fluid or Ale and pay cover with your Queen’s ID.
4) Everyone wears at least 15 condoms at Queen’s… all the time.
There’s nothing like the Queen’s community. We all wear tricolour, sing the Oil Thigh, and wear 15 condoms 24/7 365. After all, we are pride ourselves on being a safe community. Cha Guys and Cha Girls walk around wearing over a pack of condoms to make sure that we’re all safe. Since wearing 2 condoms is safer than 1 (pay attention here frosh this is important), 15 is even safer. A study conducted by Arts students found that 100% of condoms are safe. Therefore, you’re 1500% safer going to Queen’s than any other school! Go to the SHRC to buy your cheap condoms, and throw them on ASAP, before people find out that you’re trying to endanger the whole school.
6) Upper years won’t sleep with you
Coming to Queen’s you might feel intimidated by upper years – and that’s totally okay. Heck, I still cross the street when I see 8 upper years guys somehow fitting into a 2-person kiddy pool on their lawn. But even though you may be unable to get it on with these guys, doesn’t mean that there aren’t plenty of upper years that are desperate enough to sleep with you. Who knows? Maybe a Golden Words writer who’s just looking for someone to watch rom-coms and cry with will give you a chance to experience the 15-seconds of ecstasy you’ve been waiting your whole life for. That’s right – I’m talking about ya boy Green is the New Black. I like listening to Marvin Gaye but also the bullshit pop/indie/country/etc. you listen to. What more could a women want? Reach out to me on Yik Yak – I’m the red sailboat.
Myth: Busted… if you know what I mean 😉