This past friday night, the Frosh Week Ale House line up made a public statement, stating its desire to enter discussions with the UN about becoming an independent state. This group of sloshed, thirsty students have made many attempts in the past few years to apply for sovereignty, arguing other states have much to benefit from their official status in the UN Genral Assembly. The Frosh Week Ale House Line up (FWAHLU) states they would be able to add “a ridonkulous amount of hype” and increase the number of “totally chill mans” within the global economy, leading to less “N-skis” and more “dope ass bangers” among third world countries.
Citing Vatican city, Luxembourg and Liechtenstein as prime examples of thriving small scale independent states, FWAHLU has sent some of their most prominent drunk political science students to make the case for their legitimacy. “We’re just here to pull chicks, listen to some nice throwbacks and deliver our 14 point proposal detailing the benefits of a sovereign FWAHLU and our impact on the 30 strongest economies within the world,” said Danny Griffin, 5th year Global Development student, “We think having a representative for 300 absolute beauty university students at the UN round table would… ugh… would be… oh fuck… (vomits on side of street)… would be uh a really positive thing to improve third world countries standard of living and reduce economic risks in the North American economy.”
FWAHLU commerce students have also pointed to the fact that their population contains a larger GDP than 25 African countries combined, though it isn’t known if this value is a strict sum of the population’s wealth or inclusive of their parent’s money they live off of. Regardless, if every individual is willing to pay cover for some sweaty grinding, vomit scented leather jackets and regret-filled jager bombs, they’re clearly bringing some real capital to the UN General Assembly.
The response from the global community has been a mix of open arms and healthy skepticism. NATO members and other western allies are excited to see what innovation and technology the young state can bring to the table, hoping this diplomatic move will make them seem cool when they’re actually total fucking narcs. Some less developed countries, are less welcoming: Albania has specifically remained steadfast in keeping the door to the UN closed, slightly offended by FWAHLU’s national motto “Fuck you Albania.”
The UN General Assembly has deliberated on this motion and will reconvene after reviewing the newest documents from FWAHLU, “Seven ways to get a totally legit fake ID.”