Early this week, the Kingston 24 hour Snowfort Building Contest ended in tears, blood and shame. Historically the competition has had three main competitors with either SLC, RMC or Queen’s taking home the title. This year however one last minute entry from Its a Sec ret was not seen as a real contender, with only four members participating. Their project was of an historically correct Frosty the Snowman as seen in the 1969 family film ‘Frosty the Snowman’.
While mostly overlooked, the overweight snow figure gathered much attention when the group of four individuals slit the throats of two goats while chanting unnerving verses. One witness was reported that when the blood contacted the sculpture, the blood was sucked into the hardened snow, and that red veins shot up the pure weight snow and pooled in the empty eye sockets.
Panic erupted when the iconic broom held by the beloved and now possessed figure bursted into flames hotter and brighter than would seem possible. With sculptures melting where they stood the demonic creature seemingly immune to the inferno. The snow demon caused havoc in the downtown area, knocking screaming pedestrians off their feet with each swing of its flaming instrument of death. While unconfirmed, several eye witnesses state that the snowman was seen sucking the souls from downed Kingston residents, many of which were children. The fallen children quickly rose from the ground with blank eyes and began to follow the hellish figure. The children, if you can call them that anymore, began to sing.
Our reporters took it upon themselves to take refuge in the local establishment Tir Na n’Og, deciding that if the world was to be overrun, they would atleast need a drink. A drink turned into 14, which turned into the entire bar erupting into “the End of The World” and all the other Great Big Sea songs.
Based on what was pieced together from witnesses, reports, traffic cameras, and selfies. Paramedics arrived on the scene, however they were swiftly engulfed in the raging inferno as frozen horror descended upon them. Police bullets passed through the snowy hellion, causing more damage to residents than Frosty. The was suddenly engulfed in spotlites, looking up to confront the RMC helicopters passing over city hall. The children’s chilling song rising to a crescendo, the song pressing into your head like a cold knife.
Frosty bellowed at the helicopters, the blood streaming from the pools in his eyes… and thats when the fire truck hit him. Thirty tons of fire fighting furry slams into Frosty, his leg goes under the wheel, and the truck plows over him reducing him to a bloody slush… and a crumpled black tophat.
With the death of Frosty, the Snowfort Building Contest came to a close. What was left of Kingston will never be the same – at least until the snow melts, washing away the blood stains.