Fuck Old People


Hey. Old people are people too. Right? So cut ‘em a little slack. Shave off a slice of that senior citizen lovin’. Put the care back in geriatric care. That’s right….. we’re talking about having sex with old people. Did ya think this article was going to be about how old people are awful, and like, “fuck old people they’re old and lame and bad and gross and old”? Well think again.

Just because they’re not young and spry like you doesn’t mean they’re worse. At least not in all ways. Like sure they’re not all hip to the kids’ nintendos, and they sometimes fall asleep like really early and just like in chairs in front of the TV or at meals or in the middle of a conversation, and yeah OK they’re sometimes really boring or whatever, and fine sure they’ve got wrinkles and weird veins…. What were we talking about? Oh yeah: fuck old people. Think about how much intercourse they’ve had. Probably more than you’ve had (ha sick burn). Maybe you could learn a thing or two. Sure it might be a little outdated and more than a little racist, but hey. Fuck it (literally!). Everyone has their flaws.

Also they’ve just plain existed longer than you. They’ve probably slept for longer than you’ve been alive. Thats kinda cool. If you could fuck a dinosaur, would you? Yeah you would. Plus ever heard the phrase respect thy elders? Yeah. Respect their brains out. Respect them in ways they didn’t even know they could be respected. Respect them so hard that they forget that they’re having trouble remembering.

In all honesty, old people are cool. Today’s youth culture sometimes promotes ageist behaviour. But that doesn’t make it right. Old people lived through a bunch of shit. Like wars! And stock market crashes! And when swords were actually a thing! And medieval times!.. Well maybe thats a little too old.., but they know how to work those old spinny telephones! And record players! And cars that have more than two pedals! And they know, how to punctuate, and spel witout autocorrent. When do you use whom?!! Whats a past participle?!? How do semicolons work!!?! Maybe you could ask them during your next post-coital spoon sesh.

Sure, old people have their problems. But so do young people. And whatevers in between old and young. Middle-aged?….. But those people are also old. Whatever. Old people are sexual beings just like the rest of us. Old people need some lovin’ too. So show some respect. Fuck old people.