Fun engineering bar has been altered due to construction


Popular engineering shenanigan bar “Beers on the Pier” has faced a difficulty in maintaining its popularity this upcoming school semester due to the frosh closing down the pier and a bunch of other stuff, something about goats I think? Goddamn frosh, contacting the municipal government about the eroding infrastructure around the waterfront and having them take action to improve the community for years to come! Honestly, what fucking dicks.

The pier has been under construction for the past few months, leading to a large group of diehard bar-hunters upset that they can’t encourage frosh to shotgun a beer and dive into a freezing lake each week for an entire semester. The new engineering dean has even shown a measured level of frustration with the unfolding situation. “Students need to have the full engineering experience.” said Dean Deluzio, “Shitty grades, hours of classes coming out the wazoo, absorbing alcohol through your eyes – if my froshies can’t shotgun a couple brewskis and go for a dip, I’m not doing my job right.”

Many past recipients of this bar have scrambled to find different ways to get past the construction, picketing the site’s perimeter, shotgunning beers in kiddies pools in defiance and even going as far to email the city about opening the pier one day a week for these dutiful students. Due to this continued action by dedicated students, the local government has issued a statement saying they will “let them know what’s up in a couple days,” and will “totally get back with something solid real soon.”

Some upper years have offered legitimate alternatives to still achieve the bar. After shotgunning a beer, the following options will still result in earning the top B-list shenanigan bar in engineering:

-Jump off the pier, 30ft to the bare ground below

-Jump off the view balcony of the ARC into the shallow end of the pool

-Jump into a local senior’s aquafit class

-Slowly jumping up and down in your own shower while crying

-Jump off the burrito counter at lazy straight into the coke machine

-Silently spin inside a toilet in Theological Hall

-Get Newstead to pour 2 gallons of milk on your feet while you shotgun a beer

-Do the ALS ice bucket challenge and then re-nominate yourself every week

-Aim a high powered water hose at your thigh and keep spraying until you see bone

-Fill a kiddie pool with at least two different bodily fluids and jump in that