Future SLC ’20 Student Doesn’t Find First Year Eng That Hard


Current Sci ‘18 Curtis Fleet, a future Arts ‘19 and eventual SLC ‘20 student, does not find his first year courses that hard. In a recent statement made in his rez room, Mr. Fleet, whilst beating his roommate at FIFA 2014, said “I went to lectures first week and it was like all review, I totally knew that shit, so I was like to my bro Vance, yo I’m just gonna show up to quizzes and midterms, university is so easy.” He would allegedly then go on to “totally destroy Vance at “Chel” [NHL ‘14], COD, and even a throwback game of Mario Party 4”
Exactly four months later, Mr. Fleet will find himself in a raging fight with his parents, after they will find out he failed every single one of his classes, having neglected to do even the bare minimum amount of effort the entire semester. “But Mom!!” he will yell, fighting back tears over his straight F’s and personal letter from Dean Woodhouse asking him to pull his shit together, “that’s what J section is for… it’s a safety net”. Mr. Fleet will fail to learn his lesson over the coming semester, famously chugging a mickey before his Linear Algebra midterm because “this is going to be so easy, it’s been the same for years”, also famously having a 0% in the course, because despite his earlier proclamation, it was not the same, nor was it easy.
In September of 2015, Curtis Fleet will find himself dejectedly buying his Art History textbooks from the Campus Bookstore while still wearing his GPA with a certain degree of shame. His father, a proud Sci’ 85, will make him buy and sew on a “Downgrade” bar the following summer after Curtis will receive only one non-failing mark of a B- (ironically enough) in APSC 112. Mr. Fleet will be feeling confident about the future of his academic career, having heard many jokes about the relative ease of a B.A. Then he will realise he earned his “No Hablo” bar for a reason and is functionally illiterate. Needless to say he cannot write an essay to save his life.
Unsurprisingly Mr. Fleet will fail out, after his adoption of Hemingway’s “write drunk, edit sober” turned into “don’t write, be drunk” and his family subsequently disowned him.
Finally the next year, having failed out of Queen’s entirely, Curtis Fleet will find his niche and will graduate quite happily as a Theoretical Phys. Ed. student at St. Lawrence College. After his success he will go on to earn his Masters in Theoretical Astrophysics at Western.