Girl Goes To Hospital Due To Changing Seasons

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Today, Jessica Collins, who describes herself as; 1/2 english, 1/8 German, 1/4 Ukrainian 1/8 Irish, a taurus, avid vsco user, and the self proclaimed “selfie-queen <3 <3 <3 XD” was admitted to Hospital with severe shock and anxiety-induced coma. Upon talking to doctors it was revealed Ms. Collins went into an anxiety attack after the realization fall is going to end soon. Her friends say she is very proud of her instagram account and works incredibly hard to make new pictures to post every 2-3 days (save the #throwbackthursday, for which she has a list of photos which should keep her Thursday’s full for the next year and a half.) Upon realizing the fall colours will start to fade Ms. Collins had a full mental breakdown as she hadn’t planned to transition her theme of fall colours and earthy tones to a black and white setup for winter. Her friends say she usually plans these things well in advance and has been so ecstatic recently about reaching 1000 followers that it must have slipped her mind. They said the photo of her meeting Zayn on her visit to downtown Toronto skyrocketed her account, and she had starting putting less thought into the posts she made. They say she has made the fatal flaw and not given her feed enough time to slowly transition from season to season, an art only mastered by instagram professionals and young female students who spend more time planning their instagram than studying for school. Her parents have tried waking her from the coma by playing Christmas music even though it’s November and Christmas IS TWO MONTHS AWAY. (Ya that one is aimed at all of you - you know who you are.) Or bringing pumpkin spiced lattes from starbucks in her favourite travel mug (a trick that has been known to put a smile on her face even during the kicking off of her favourite bachelor from the bachelorette.) A GoFundMe page has been started for Jessica to pay for the services of a professional instagrammer to come to her hospital room and transition her insta page with photo ideas to keep the theme flowing into the indoor, tone based insta we’ve become accustomed to with the winter season. Doctors have hopes that a plan to fix her instagram could bring Jessica out of a coma and help her on the road to recovery. So far the page has garnered $28. It seems to be a waiting game for now to see if she recovers. Her parents have talked about pulling the plug although it’s been less than 24 hours saying, “She isn’t even our favourite child anyway.” This reporter believes only a miracle will save her now…

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