Golden Words DIY: Build Your Own Degree – A Retrospective


(or, a fourth year meditates on the encroaching light at the end of the tunnel that likely leads to Starbucks)

Alright, so you’ve never been to university but you want a University degree without having to drop the GDP of a small island nation on tuition. Here’s how to do it!


  • Keeping your mind open to new experiences, like sitting in a crowd and repeating back whatever you’re told
  • Shitty beer
  • Maybe some condoms, idk prob a good idea
  • A healthy dolop of self loathing
  • Pirated passwords for some ***sick*** tutorials
  • $12.99 paperback copy of The Great Gatsby for you to carry around everywhere and look smart.

Now for step one: Take a nap. Or like 300. Seriously, just nap a lot its great.

Step two: Keep an active facebook account forming various groups within the same circle of 20 or so people to simulate being in multiple group projects at once.

Step three: Get a cardboard box, put it in the middle of the road, and live in it to simulate a ghetto house. For extra effect throw $500 dollars into a fire every week.

Step four: More like step 4:20, amiright. SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY and be super edgy bro.

Step five: make up certificate template in Microsoft Word, print it off, and hand it to youself. In latin.

And bam you’re done. Sure its illegitimate as fuck, but you’ll just be in the same jobless position as the rest of us, but just have wasted less of your time.


Jk Queens is cool.