The time has finally come dear fellows, when Golden Words, this beautiful country’s most illustrious and respected writing institution, shuts its doors.
And opens the doors to Golden Words RESORT AND CASINO! That’s right! The beautiful pastures that Golden Words once called home, complete with wildlife and lost princesses, is being burnt to the ground in a massive forest fire rave to make way for the biggest, baddest, bitchinest piece of bacchanalian architecture this side of Tokyo’s Akihabara district. Lemme give you the lowdown on what’s offered:
Drugs: Drown/smoke/snort/mainline your sorrows away at GWRC’s state-of-the-art Intoxication Station! Whatever your pleasure, we don’t have it. These intoxicants are strictly for the medicinal purposes of treating the depression that accompanies loss.
Violence: What better way to de-stress than a good, grisly murder? Death and destruction are natural antioxidants, not to mention the endorphin release that comes from watching the life slowly drain from the eyes of your victims! With every form of sentient life under our small yellow sun available for your rampant sadism, it’ll be a long time before you say enough!
Gambling: Not just regular table games and slots, we offer everything from dog-fights to baby-punting! Not to mention the deadpool we have going that includes each and every one of our wonderful staff. And while strictly speaking, the deadpool is separate from our murder area, nobody has to know, do they?
The Void: The cold black abyss of existential despair opens its welcoming arms to you in GWRC’s nothingness area! Come enjoy the heart-wrenching sadness of contemplating the pointlessness of our existence in the wake of the loss of our world’s only legitimate source of laughter.
And that’s just our basic package! Upgrades to our GW Regular package begin at just 25 cents.