As Valentine’s Day quickly approaches, like always, some people forgot to prepare a functional boy/girlfriend to survive the crisis. Worry-not, ‘cause like always, Golden Words is here to save the day. Here are some very practical methods to adopt to fetch yourself an appropriate boy/girlfriend in the little time left before February 14. Because staying in your room alone dating porno stars on screen is just not a healthy way to define romance.
1. Apparently scientists have found a way to make a completely and totally smoking-hot stranger fall in love with you in 45 minutes with just a few psychologically designed questions. These questions basically gradually make two strangers expose their deepest darkest secrets to each other when they first meet and then they’ll have to become couples or they’ll have to murder each other to keep those secrets. So what are you waiting for? Google these scientifically designed questions, go to a bar or simply walk on the street, grab the first person in sight that you’d like to fuck (or just have a very romantic dinner and a kiss on the cheek afterward, depending on your taste, values, and desires) on Valentine’s day, follow him/her to a quiet place, corner him/her for 45 minutes and respectfully ask them to complete all the questions, then BOOM you’ll score!
2. Did you know that the technology is so advanced now, you can totally download a virtual boy/girlfriend app for only 15$? This app will serve as the most caring, romantic, patient, attractive and responsive lover whenever you need him/her. He/she will text you to remind you to dress warm in the morning and say good night to you before bed; listen to all your most boring talks and remember every detail of your words; never argue with you and constantly compliment you and never cheat on you; change his/her look based on your taste and send you pictures to show off on social media; and always ready to be uninstalled without a fight when you feel tired of him/her. The only problem is you can’t really touch him/her, so you can’t really have sex with him/her, or probably you guys can try phone or video sex, it’ll just be like having a distant lover ehh?
3. If the above methods were not to your preference, and you trust your own ability without the support of modern technology, try the most long-existing and effective way to escape loneliness: take a nap, like, for 24 hours straight through the Valentine’s Day. This world may not be satisfactory or in your favor, but in your own dream you can be the sexiest with as many dates you want. So sleep tight and have a wet dream. Happy Valentine’s Day!