Guest Ed: Oregon Militia

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Welcome one, welcome all, to Fox News presenting Golden Words. As you may now know, the classic fiscal mismanagement of doddering liberals at Queen’s University in general and Golden Words in particular has led to some financial distress on the part of Canada’s other National Newspaper. We at Fox Corporation saw the value of some good old fashioned corporate buyouts to teach you students a lesson on the untamed jungle that is the free market, we have bought out Golden Words. Under our agreement, GW has agreed to serve as a vehicle into the pinko north for the mighty bastion of right-wing ideals and good old fashioned family values to you hippy, pot-smoking, hip-hop blaring Queen’s students for one issue and we have eased their financial burdens to the tune of almost $50 USD (or about $30,000 CAD).
So without further ado I’ll happily introduce you to my favourite person, me, Bill O’Reilly and I am pleased to introduce you to the No-Spin Zone. In recent news, the Oregon militiamen had their well-reasoned dispute with the police cut short by an aggressive action by police when a man was shot and killed while the protesters were being dispersed. Now I know bleeding heart liberals out there will draw comparisons to other protest for, I don’t know, perspective, so before they put their blatant bias on a straightforward news story. The Oregon militiamen seized a remote federal building somewhere in Oregon in order to protest a land dispute. I say ‘somewhere in Oregon’ because to the best of my knowledge this is the building’s actual address. The dispute in question involved two cattle ranchers who were convicted to five years in prison for arson when they set fire to federal lands because they were opposed to paying grazing fees when their stock ate public grass. 
In response over one hundred and fifty armed men camped out in a federal reserve and issued statements to press that they were “willing to shoot to kill” and “die for their cause”. The leader in questoion, a Mr. Ammon Bundy, began leading the occupation after receiving a “divine message” ordering him to do so. Now I’m sure some of our readers are understandably disturbed by such language and vitriol but before you draw comparisons to crazed Islamic fanatics I would invite you to remember that these bearded men shouting religious rhetoric to justify their potentially violent political ideology were red-blooded, God-fearing Americans exercising their Second Amendment rights to justify an armed takeover just like the good Lord intended. They aren’t terrorists, they’re militia, because they’re white, Our Dictator in Chief Barack Nobama has been spinning this issue to mislead all you honest, hardworking Americans.
Now an entirely different story was the recent upward trend of black people across our great country loudly protesting because they feel “disenfranchised” and “targeted by police” and I say this: stop whining you America-hating freeloaders. I mean let’s compare the two cases: the Oregon Militiamen are upset over the prosecution of two fairly convicted arsonists representing what they felt to be a broader problem. Meanwhile Black Lives Matter protestors were protesting the fatal shooting of a teenager representing what they felt to be a broader persecution of black people in general. Does one of these issues seem trivial and unsubstantiated to you? I mean of course it’s the Ferguson protestors. I’ve established without question that thousands of people protesting results in an issue being blown out of proportion, so therefore having one hundred and fifty people represents an issue in exactly the right proportion. Plus there’s the issue of being heavily armed and prepared to fight and shoot police. If Ferguson protestors wanted to be taken seriously they would have brought their guns and open-carry permits to make sure their concerns are respected. And also they really ought to have been white! This would have smoothed the process along 
    Some people might see the standoff in Oregon as a textbook example in media bias in terms of how American (and to a lesser extent Canadian) media can treat the actions (good or bad) of white people as more legitimate than those of minorities. To that I say God bless America, Ronald Reagan Forever, Bill O’Reilly Out!

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