Half-time Evaders


Officials are concerned of a worrying pattern emerging in the student populations. Half-time deserters. Statistics show that 98% of the 12% of students tested will leave anything and everything at its half-way point.
“We have seen the majority of our students leaving every lecture during the half-point break and not returning. This worrisome trend of leaving half way through has even translated towards their submitted work. I regularly get an essay ending halfway through the paragraph.” – PSYC100 Prof
 “The Queen’s Gaels played the York Lions this past Saturday and won 57-10. But you wouldn’t know that – you left at halftime.” – Passive Aggressive Sports Fan
This past weekend, Richardson Stadium went from maxing out its 8,500 seating capacity, full of students, guests, and alumni to having a mere 3 rows of people after half-time.
“I got to move all the way from the nosebleeds to front row!” – Homeless Sports Fan
Administration is starting to see this worrying pattern not only at sporting events, but in classes as well. Students are now regularly leaving their classes half-way through. Professors have been left the impossible task of going through their lectures at twice the speed to compensate.
“Do you know how difficult is it to go through 100 slides in half the time? I’ve needed to pick up Auctioneering classes! They haven’t been much help though – I always leave during the break.” – ECON100 Prof
Even more serious cases are starting to emerge. Student Services has released the numbers and 200 students dropped out of their studies in Week 5, with a 10% increase of dropouts every week since.
“At this rate, Alumni reunions will be able to be held in the ARC!” – Principal Woolf.