Hallowe’en Hangover Types


The tradition of Halloween is followed closely by the post-Halloween hangover. Like the costumes, there are some classic hangovers.
The Vampire –  A result of drinking a bunch of blood(y Marys). They turn to stone in light; well they at least stop moving and functioning. Found in the darkest corner of the house and hissing whenever you attempt to talk to them or they see light. Just leave them in their room and make it so they can’t escape as a bat. 
Superman/Superwoman – How the fuck are they so functional after last night. I can barely move and they are off running and flying… wait a minute.
The Zombie – Brainnnns owwww my brain…. The cry of the zombie hangover echoes through the morning. Kind of just shuffling from their room to the bathroom to puke these are only a threat if you are over run by them in large numbers. 
The Pirate – After poking out their eye with a rum bottle and hitting their leg off a cannon that they just happen to have, you get the pirate. These are distinguished by the hospital eye patch and hopping around on one foot. Just give them time with rum and their parrot and hope they don’t start a sword fight in your house, again.
The Creature from the Black Lagoon – It came from the depths of black rum and that weird pool of goo on Aberdeen street. What it is and what it wants are unknown but it is coming this way, ohh shit, shit runnnnn!!!!
Frankenstein’s Monster – If Frankenstein was hard liquor, this is his creation. Stumbling about with all the direction and intelligence of a drunk 2 year old. What they want, no one knows and they just communicate through grunts and groans. 
The Ghost – Was it all a dream or did they disappear through the night. Either way you can’t find them today and you won’t see them ever again. 
The Editor – Perhaps the scariest of all the hangovers. Identified by the tinted Eng Soc sunglasses and just sitting in the corner trying to get the paper done to go home.

No matter which you fall into we at Golden Words recommend the Golden Hangover Elixir (trademark pending). This elixir looks like lemonade and tastes like piss; it is probably lemonade. This elixir endorsed by the Canadian Naturopathic Society and Dr. Oz is clinically proven to shorten the duration of hangovers.