He Who Lives In A Pineapple Under The Sea


At first glance the Krusty Krab appears to be a friendly, if unclean establishment. However, on closer inspection it is rife with child labour and employment law violations. Eugene M. Krabs, an ex-naval officer with a lust for riches and a penchant for abuse, has set up one of the most exploitative and brutal institutions in all of Bikini Bottom.

His chief source of labour is an idealistic young boy warped by propaganda into thinking that flipping burgers is so noble that he works for pennies on the dollar. The boy’s co-worker, a struggling artist less enthused by his situation, is still bound to servitude to this malevolent crustacean. One of the more egregious violations of human rights came when Krabs, threatened by his rival, instituted an open 24 hour policy. However, instead of hiring new staff to accommodate the extra hours, he forced his only two employees to work the entirety of the day.

This went on for 17 days, with all employees, including Krabs, displaying clear signs of psychosis.

Basic human rights aren’t the only shocking fact about the Krusty Krab. In his unstoppable quest for wealth he has also committed numerous white collar crimes including but not limited to: tax fraud, tax evasion, wage slavery, and actual robbery. It seems that Krabs’ greed truly has no limits; in an off the record comment, his younger employee stated that during his early employment, he was forced to pay Krabs 100 dollars an hour.

In addition to theft, the establishment is continuously in violation of multiple health laws. Disgusting rotten patties have been served to customers under the guise of fresh food. The health department has made attempts to crack down on this, however Krabs criminal deviousness has proven too much for them. He has even gone as far as to kill the health inspector, and order his employees to bury the corpse in a shallow grave. This is both an exposé and a plea to the residents of Bikini Bottom, before you support this establishment, think about the tears, misery, and deceit that make up the Krabby Patty Formula–I truly hope you will have second thoughts.