Here’s A Super Fun Party Idea: The Communist Party

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Are you looking into various party themes hoping that you’ll find one that will blow all of your friends away and prove once and for all that you’re the best party host there is? Do you hate the bourgeoisie and want to overthrow the evil capitalist oligarchy one rager at a time? Did you watch a video on the internet once about how capitalism is screwing us all? If you answered yes to any of these questions look no further because we have a party idea that’s so great it’ll have the proletariat ready to pledge their unwavering loyalty to you. Your biggest party of the year is going to be the communist party!

Hosting the communist party is super easy and only requires a few simple steps to prepare for. First, decorate your house with the flags of various communist nations and any elaborate looking decorations that you can buy at the dollar store. Your house should look majestic and imposing despite the dire financial straits that you’re currently in. Second, invite everyone. Everyone is equal at this party and everyone is welcome. It doesn’t matter if you even know them, all students regardless of race, gender, or religion should have the right to enjoy this revolutionary good time. Third, tell everyone about the dress code. All of the guests should dress up as their favourite communist, or a glorious labourer helping to perpetuate the eternal revolution. A party is only as good as the commitment to theme, so make sure your guests really go all out on this one. For added authenticity you can even ask people to undereat for a few days prior to get that genuine starving peasant look. Lastly, make sure to inform everyone that the party is BYOB. Keggers are capitalist and decadent.

It’s the night of the party and your guests are about to arrive, the only thing left to do now is to confiscate all of the alcohol that comes through your door. That’s right, all the alcohol. Each party guest will give what they can and take what they need in order to support the continued existence of this glorious party that you have created. Make sure that most guests only get enough to maintain a slight buzz at best, but your friends and preferred guests get enough to be obviously wasted in front of them. Don’t allow your party guests to leave. This is to ensure the party maintains critical mass to still appear fun and functional. While doing all of this make sure you continually lecture your guests about how your party is infinitely more fun than the kegger taking place across the street. Any guests who object should be ostracised. Maintain this style of hosting until you realise that your party cannot produce enough alcohol to sustain itself much longer. Eventually the enthusiasm for the party will dwindle among even its most dedicated patrons and your guests will ignominiously abandon the vision of egalitarian, eternal binge drinking you once had.

The party may be over, but the dream will live on. It’s possible that one day you can host a party again and have another chance at utopia, and it’s guaranteed that a bunch of people who weren’t even there will talk about how it was the greatest party ever.

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